Emmett, Operation: Conquering Boredom
by HeelZiggler
Summary: All Vampires, They are living in Forks, and Emmett is getting into trouble in school and at home and he gets Bella involved. Better than it sounds.
1. War Of The Staples Chapter 1

**I do not own twilight. I own a stapler. :D Sarah also writes some of this fanfic, but I wrote this one. :P**

EMPOV

"Guys! Im so bored!" I moaned, we were in school having lunch, well we weren't having lunch, but you know what I mean.

"Emmett! Shut up!" Jasper yelled at me, THE CHEEK! "Jasper! The Cheek of you! Shouting at moi?! It's an abomination! " I yelled back. That'll show him!

I turned around away from him. That's when I saw **(ohh, what do you think it is?) **It was beautiful, I had to have it! A stapler! **(If you guessed stapler you were right!) **Mike Newton had it, it shouldn't be hard to get it off him. Every time I try to talk to him he runs away. Jasper interrupted my thoughts. "Wow Emmett! Big word! Abomination!? That's your biggest word yet!" Jasper laughed Hmm, I wonder why Eddie hasn't yelled at me yet, he would know my plan and try to stop me. I looked around the table and started counting. There should be 6 people at the table. Lets count 1,2 . . what comes after 2? Oh ye! 3!

1,2,3,4. That's wrong. I started counting again. 1,2,3,4 still the same. Bella and Eddie are missing. "Guys, were is Bedward?" hehe Bedward **(I got that off another fanfic that I cant remember the name of right now . . . ) ** "Their coming back in a few minutes, they had biology last class and have to finish a project." Alice said grinning. She must know about my plan, time to put it into action. I got up from my chair and began walking over to Newton. "Emmett . . . where are you going?" Rose asked. "Oh, you'll know soon enough" I said evilly. And with that I walked over to Newton's table. "Hey Mike!" I exclaimed, Ha! He looked like he was going to piss himself. "Hey . . . Emmett . . ." Ha! Priceless! "Mike, I demand you give me your gun and ammo." Mike stared at me confused. "My what?" GOD! How stupid is this boy? "Ok mike, ill dumb it down, I demand you give me your stapler and staples." I hope he understands this time. "Sorry Emmett, but I need these for art class. . ." Did he just say no to Emmett Cullen?! Emmett Cullen a.k.a VAMPIRE?! Oh no he didn't! "Did you just say no to _me?_" God he _is_ going to piss himself. "Em . . no id didn't ! what are you talking about . . . here!!" he all but threw the gun and ammo at me and ran away. Ha I was right! He does run away from me! So I filled up my gun with ammo, and walked into the middle of the cafeteria and shouted " IM FULLY ARMED! DON'T MOVE!" Everyone in the cafeteria look at me with fear in their eyes. That was when Bedward walked in the door. "THAT'S IT! I SAID DON'T MOVE!" I ran over and started shooting them with staples. **(Hehe! Me and Sarah done that today.) **They stood there, frozen with horror. That's when the principal walked in the door with a student with his pants all wet, it was Newton! Ha! He did piss himself! "EMMETT CULLEN! GO TO MY OFFICE THIS INSTINT! YOU TOO BELLA AND EDWARD." He shouted across the cafeteria. "Yes, sir!" I saluted him. Edward rolled his eyes. And from the corner of my eye I saw Jasper, Alice and Rosalie laughing their heads off, over at our table. I grinned at them, which made them laugh harder. They looked like they were up to something. . . anyway! When we got to the principal's office (His name is Bob Unicorn hehe)

"EMMETT CULLEN! IF I EVER SEE YOU SHOOTING STAPLES AT STUDENTS EVER AGIN, I SWEAR! I WILL SUSPEND YOU FROM SCHOOL! NOW I HAVE TO RING YOUR FATHER, Bella, EDWARD, WILL YOU WITHNESS THIS CALL PLEASE?" Someone has a temper. "Yes, " Bella and Edward said at the exact same time. Suckups. Edward hissed under his breath. Mr. Unicorn began to ring Carlisle, and with my supernatural hearing I could hear their conversation. "Hello?" Carlisle answered "Hello Mr. Cullen, its Mr. Unicorn here." "Emmett! Stop making up stupid names for people! No one has a name called Mr. Unicorn! Its just stupid! Get over your obsession with unicorns! And stop speaking the unicorn language!"

**(On another fanfic its Emmett speaking unicorn language, so I didn't think of it, it was another writer I don't know the name of. . .)**

"Mr. Cullen, I am the principal of Forks High, My name is Mr. Unicorn, do not tell me my name is stupid! And where can I learn to speak unicorn?" Mr. Unicorn asked curiously. "I CAN TEACH YOU!" I shouted. Mr. unicorn jumped up and down with joy. "Now I can live up to my name! Mr. Cullen, Emmett was seen shooting Bella and Edward with a stapler full of ammo." This dude rocks! I get to teach him unicorn! "Oh! Im so sorry Mr. Unicorn, and Emmett will be in big trouble when he comes home." Uh! Not fair! I was only having a bit of fun! "Yes, that's alright Mr. Cullen, Emmett has to teach me unicorn for his punishment" "NO! MR. UNICORN! DON'T LET EMMETT SPEAK UNICORN! HE WOULDN'T STOP SPEAKING IT FOR DAYS! IT TOO!" Mr. Unicorn hung up the phone. "Now Emmett! You must teach me unicorn! Edward and Bella, you may leave." I like this dude "That should be a lot of fun, come on Bella, I need to speak with Alice." YES Eddie it will be lots of fun! "Ok Mr. Unicorn this is what you do, you take the first letter out of the word your saying, and add uni. So, hello = uniello. Easy Enough?" I don't like repeating myself. "Unies Unimmett, uniou unire uniree unio unio." **(if you cant read it, it says "Yes Emmett, You are free to go)** "OK! Bye!"

**This is part 1, of this chapter. there will be 2 parts. but these are things Emmett does in school. so there will be different topics. but if i have to continue certain stories, i will make different parts.**


	2. War Of The Staples Pt 2

**Hey Twilighters! This is part 2 of ****War Of The Staples ****Read part 1 first. **

**I DO NO OWN TWILIGHT. I OWN A LLAMA (NOT REALLY) R&R**

EMPOV

As I walked out of Mr. Unicorn's office, I remembered that Edward was going to do something to me. I walked in the cafeteria door and saw something I always wished would come true. Pinch Me! I must be dreaming! Oh, wait im not dreaming, I cant sleep. So it must be real! Standing in front of me was Bedward, Jalice and Rose, with staples in their hands, full of ammo.** (I didn't make up the names, that was another writer that I don't know. . . ) **They wanted a war."GET HIM!" Alice shouted. And they all started firing staples at me. "Haha! I come prepared!" I shouted back, and took my gun and ammo out of my pocket. "Every Unicorn for himself!" I yelled, and began shooting them. Jasper stopped, and yelled "Bets! I will take your bets! Guess who will be victorious!" That will be me! "Oh no it wont Emmett, it will be me or Bella." Stupid Mindreading Vampire With A Volvo (SMVWAV) Ye! That's right! "Edward! You are a SMVWAV!" I ACCUSED! Man this was fun! "A what?" Bella asked, stupid human. Edward growled. "Bella, he is a Stupid Mindreading Vampire With A Volvo." I stated simply. No one heard me, they were to busy placing bets. They were all over at jasper placing their bets. Alice got a blank look in her face.

_OH! I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! ITS TIME FOR THE VISION SONG!_

_VISION! _

_SHE GETS A BLANK LOOK IN HER FACE._

_SHE LOSES HER EMBRACE._

_YOU THINK ITS RATHER SAD._

_BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND._

_ITS Alice!_

_ITS GOOD NEWS OR ITS NOT._

_I THINK SHE'S PRETTY HOT._

_WITH HER BLACK PIXIE-LIKE HAIR._

_ITS RUDE NOT TO STARE_

_ITS Alice!_

_VISION! DUN DUN DUN!_

_Alice! LA LA LA_

_VISION! DUN DUN DUN!_

_Alice! LA LA LA_

_VISION!!!!!!!_

**(I made this song up xD Don't sue me!)**

After I finished my vision song, Edward started laughing. I will post it on youtube!!!!

While Eddie was distracted, I shot him with my stapler. Then, Alice stopped shooting, and ran over to jasper. "€10 on Bella!" Alice roared, "Yay! Im going to win!" Bella shouted, and started shooting Rose. "Bella! YOU. GOT. STAPLES. IN. MY. HAIR!" Rose screamed. Uh Oh. Bella is dead. Rose charged over to B- what?! Me?! "Emmett! This is all your fault! You started the staple war! You will pay! I SURENDER!" Rose screamed. Yay! One down, 1 more to go.

"Come on love! You can do it!" Edward said and kissed her. Yuck! Bella, the only person left. I will succeed, I do believe, I will achieve!."Little sis, your going down!" I yelled. But out of no where, Bella got me in a place where the sun don't shine. "OW!" I screeched. "fine! You win!" I said. Defeated, I said "Ill be back" I said in the voice of the terminator. "Yes! Victory!" Bella screamed and started a happy dance, and then she added harshly. "Oh, and Em, Unicorn's aren't real" WHAT?! "What?! NO! YOUR LYING! I do believe in unicorns! I do! I do!" I chanted. Alice eeeped with joy. "Haha people! NEVER, bet against Alice!" she said evilly while grinning. "Jazzipop, how much did I win?" Ha! Jazipop! Im sooo going to hold this over him!

"You won €1000 Ali." Oh no! I know where were going now. "TIME TO GO SHOPPING!" Alice Screamed. "Alice?! We cant skip school to go shopping! Are you out of your mind?!" Bella asked in shock surprise. She still never got over her fear of shopping with Alice, even as a vampire. "Lighten up Bella! Of course we can!" Alice Replied

~10 Minutes Later~

"Were here!" Alice screamed as we got to the mall. I picked up my laptop out of my big jeep, and plugged the broadband thing in the UBS thing or something. I would walk around on the internet. I turned it on and waited for it to load. I clicked Google Chrome, and typed in Youtube. A message came up saying

"Were sorry, your broadband has been cut off because you are an idiot. Bye Emmett."

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_WHY!? WHY?! WHYYYYYYYY?!_

_I AM GOING TO COMPLAIN!_

**To Be Continued.**

**Sooo. . . the next chapter will be Emmett complaining to the internet company xD**

**REVIEW FOR A PREVIEW!**

**And when you review, say the name of the Cullen you want to be hugged by!**

**I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!**

**Robyn**


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